Finding the Pieces

The story of how a lost boy found home

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Father, husband, professor, writer, nerd.

  • Works in progress

    Happy New Year, guys! It’s 2016. January 1st. The day that 87 percent of people spend too much time crafting a Facebook or blog post about how this year is going to be different and how they are going to meet new and amazing goals. And that’s wonderful.

    I’m definitely a person who is always setting goals. I think it’s good and healthy to be continually working towards something better. But I also think that it’s okay to not come screaming into the new year with a concrete list of resolutions.

    I don’t have a list of resolutions this year. I do, however, have several things that I’m trying to work towards.

    Some of these are goals I’ve been working toward for a long time, one of the most important being my health journey. Since I’ve moved to England, I’ve lost nearly 35 pounds, which is definitely more than I’ve lost in the year leading up to moving. But my health goals look a lot different than they did three years ago. The end goal is still losing weight, but how I do that has changed quite a bit.

    Rather than a strict diet and exercise routine, I’m focusing on other things. I let myself have a few sweets on the weekend. I have caved to convenience and ordered take away for lunch a few times. I’ve enjoyed maybe a few too many grilled cheese sandwiches. But I’m also trying new healthy recipes, and I’m cooking at home more often. I’m slowly cutting back on meat and gluten and increasing fresh produce. Exercise includes going on walks and walking to town rather than taking the bus. I’m drinking more water and even getting enough sleep.

    If anything, I’m just working on making health less of a goal and more of a part of my daily routine, which I think is the end goal anyway. And, quite possibly, why I don’t want it to be tied to a single day to begin being important.

    I’m also continually working towards some sense of balance. If you’ve been around for the last few years of this blog, you know balance isn’t exactly my strong suit (hence the need to work towards it almost all of the time). Trying to work hard and do well in school while also maintaining some semblance of mental and spiritual health. Trying to be present where I am now while also trying to be mindful of the relationships back home. So far this has resulted in a continually evolving routine of working really hard during the week, spending Saturday evenings with Colchester friends and Sunday afternoons on face time with friends and family back home. It initially also included taking time once each week to write for this blog. Oops.

    I could probably write a lot more about the goals I’m working on, but this post is already pushing 500 words and I don’t want to bore you any more with my strange desire for self improvement. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: We are works in progress, and the work doesn’t begin or end on the first of the year. Set goals. Have new year resolutions. Work towards being a better version of yourself every day. But have fun in the process. Let yourself fail. Change your mind. Try crazy new things. Just don’t limit yourself to single list.

  • I miss the chaos

    I know I’m a few days late, but happy Thanksgiving guys! This year, on Thanksgiving, was a bit interesting for me. While all of my friends and family were spending the days with family and eating awesome food, it was just Thursday for me. I woke up, spent the first half of my day working from home, spent the second part working from campus, then spent the evening working in my friend’s room. Just like every other Thursday.

    But I have awesome flatmates who thought it would be fun to celebrate Thanksgiving with me, even though neither of them celebrate it in their home countries. So today was spent going to town to buy all we needed for our mini-feast, then hanging out in the kitchen as we cooked and enjoyed each other’s company.

    In some ways it was just like Thanksgiving at home: spending time talking and cooking, and it was certainly a day to be thankful for. It was a bit odd, though, having a Thanksgiving that was so simple and quiet.

    You see, in my family, Thanksgiving isn’t quiet, and it definitely isn’t simple (there are a lot of mouths to feed). In a way it’s a bit chaotic. And when I was wondering why this Thanksgiving felt a bit off, I realised something: I kind of miss the chaos.

    I miss the rushing about the night before to dress the turkey. Getting up early to make sure everything is prepared. Bumping into mom or one of my aunt’s while we work around the kitchen. Hearing grandpa chase one of the kids in the background. The occasional “Bob! Quit it!” from grandma whenever grandpa get’s a bit too rowdy. The bursts of roaring laughter that fill the room after someone tells another joke or story.

    I miss that moment when someone yells “hey! dinner is ready!” then someone has to repeat it because no one was actually paying attention. I miss gathering around, holding hands, and saying grace. When the noise picks up again as we share food, stories, and laughter. Sure it’s loud and chaotic. But it’s my favourite kind of chaos.

    So this Thanksgiving wasn’t so crazy. But overall, it was pretty great. We made an entire meal for the three of us and none of the things we cooked caught fire! Dinner was good, dessert was good, and we managed to watch the first two Hunger Games movies between waiting for the turkey to roast and trying to recover from our food comas.

    I’m not sure what next Thanksgiving will look like. I know that I probably won’t be in Michigan to celebrate it. But that’s okay. Even though tonight’s celebration was a bit different, it was still meaningful. I spent the day with people I care about, and that alone is something to be thankful for.

  • Create you own adventure meals: Chronicles of the Inexperienced Cook

    It’s been a while since I’ve written a post about my misfortunate cooking adventures, which is really quite sad because now that I’m off in England being an adult and stuff I actually cook quite often. Correction: I prepare all of my meals now.  I make sure I eat three two at some point each day. I’m learning, okay?

    And while the task of keeping myself well fed not starved was a bit daunting at first, I think I’m getting the hang of things. I’ve also discovered the key to having meals that are not always ham and cheese sandwiches: have fun! I’ve sort of started doing this new thing that I’m calling “create your own adventure” meals (and I mean “meal” in the loosest way possible here).

    Instead of buying specific ingredients that are meant to go together (like a normal person), I’ve just started buying a mix of things that I’m sure will taste good with something. I then refuse to go to the grocery store until I’ve used up all of said ingredients. It’s kind of turned into a bit of a challenge to be resourceful by saving money and using everything I buy.

    Here are a few of my favorite creations so far:

    1. Honey mustard and chicken salad wrap

    Random ingredients pulled from the fridge:

    • Mini tortillas (2)
    • Leftover chicken breast bits (1/4 cup-ish)
    • Leftover salad (mix of spinach, bell peppers, tomato, carrot, other veggie things, and homemade honey mustard.) (1/2 cup-ish)
    • Spring onions (small handful)
    • Shredded cheddar or whatever cheese is in the fridge (small handful, probably about 1 Tbs per wrap)
    • Tiny bit of mayo (just eyeball it, it’s your freaking wrap)

    I had no idea if this was going to work, but it looked amazing. Also happened to taste amazing – something about shredded carrots and honey mustard makes me really happy.

    2. No name wrap creation (it had chicken and things)

    • Mini tortillas (2)
    • Leftover chicken bits (I’m sensing a pattern here)(1/4 cup)
    • Pine nut and spinach salad (the fancy brand, but it’s basically pesto and pasta with a few extra veggies)(a couple spoonfuls)
    • Spinach (not enough in the salad), chopped (handful)
    • Cherry tomatoes, chopped (4)
    • Mayo (maybe half a Tbs)

    This thing looked strange. I don’t know what possessed me to put mayonnaise in a bowl of chicken and pesto, but it worked! The pesto was a bit strong, so something about the mayonnaise mellowed the whole thing out while maintaining that awesome basil flavor.

    3. Surprisingly cheap and edible homemade chicken noodle soup

    • Step one: Put some water in a pan
    • Step two: Put the pan on the hob
    • Step three: Chop some veggies (I went for carrots and celery, because I bought enough carrots and celery to feed 20 rabbits for a month. No regrets)
    • Step four: Throw veggies into the pan. I also added a little bit of minced onion flakes because I didn’t have onions (I used them in all of my wraps)
    • Step five: Turn on the hob (I forgot this step. It was a Monday)
    • Step six: Boil veggie water
    • Step seven: Throw in a stock cube of choice (I went for chicken because that’s all I have). Stir until it looks less like powder floating on top of water and more like oddly colored veggie water
    • Step eight: Throw in some pasta, preferably the cheap stuff because you have rent to pay. I used spaghetti because it was 20p for a pack of it.
    • Step nine: Wait. You should probably stir your strange veggie-stock-pasta water at least a couple of times.
    • Step ten: Burn your fingers and tongue several times while trying to decide if the pasta and veggies are cooked enough. Or, if you’re a normal person, just cook everything until you know it’s done.
    • Step eleven: Eat your freaking soup and bask in the glory of your awesome independence and ability to fend for yourself. Kind of.

    I’ve also made too many varieties of omelets (the one thing I’m actually good at cooking) and more sandwiches than I would like to admit. That being said, I’ve also had some pretty decent meals. My goal is to continue playing around with what I’ve got and find things that are cheap, taste good, and have some semblance of nutrition. A girl can dream, right?

    What are some recipes you think I should try next? Let me know in the comment section down below!

     

     

  • Tomorrow will be Kinder

    It’s been a long week. But today is Monday, the start of a new week. In the midst of midterm deadlines, stress in more areas of my life than I would like to admit, and the beginning of a cold, I can honestly say the last thing I wanted to do today was write a blog post. 

    But I’ve made a goal to write something at least once a week. So here is my update. I’m tired, and I know a lot of my friends, both at Essex and elsewhere, are feeling the weight of life right now too. 

    So this post is for all who are tired and ready for an eternal break from adulthood. Have faith, be kind to yourself, and try to remember what this all is for. Try to find joy in the simple, even if that happens to be a much needed cup of coffee or a good night’s rest. Listen to music. Talk with a friend. Get lost in something you love. Just keep breathing, and have hope that tomorrow will be kinder. 

  • Planting my feet: Five weeks in Colchester

    I have been in Colchester for five weeks now. October has come and gone, and now we’re nearing the halfway point of the autumn term.

    During my first week in Colchester, I remember feeling a bit disoriented.  I was in Colchester, but I was spending most of my time talking to people back home. I’ve become increasingly aware of the importance of place. Grand Rapids. Oxford. Southend. Nashville. Colchester. Places where I have either lived or spent time in with people I care about deeply.

    I used to think that where I was physically was what mattered most. While in Oxford, Grand Rapids was just a vague and cloudy image of a place I wasn’t in at that moment. But when I moved here, I didn’t feel like my feet were planted fully in Colchester. I wanted to be present here, but I also wanted to be present in those other places.

    So I’ve spent the last few weeks reflecting on place and how it influences so many parts of life. In the midst of this reflection, I came to a strange new thought: I don’t know where I belong. Right now I know Colchester is where I need to be. But after that? I have no idea. In a world of my making the answer would be somewhere in England, but this isn’t my world, nor should I try to pretend it is.

    Where is my home? Where do I belong? I feel at home both in Michigan and England, but in different ways. I yearn for stability. For community. A place to call home and people to share life with. But I also yearn to discover the world. So in a sense, I’m okay with not having my feet planted in one place. At least for a while. I’ve loved the experience of finding meaning and community in different places. But with the blessing of having people you love scattered across the globe comes the curse of having people you love scattered across the globe.

    If anything, knowing that this is just one year in a life makes me want to make it count, to work hard and live well. So I’m trying. I’m learning. I’m slowly watching Colchester become a place on my list of places to call home. My feet might not be fully planted, but at least now they’re on the ground.

  • The work doesn’t get easier, you just get better at doing it

    Yesterday was a long day. It started at 9:00 a.m. and it didn’t end until 11:00 p.m. Crammed into those 14 hours were two seminars, 1 study group (that I somehow ended up leading), a presentation I was sure I bombed, and a neverending stack of papers to read through. I think I ate at some point, but I’m not entirely sure.

    I felt overwhelmed and was beginning to question my ability to handle the learning curve of this program. My undergraduate degree is in English Professional Studies, not Sociolinguistics. I know MLA not APA. I used to cringe at the thought of charts and graphs and statistics. And even though I’m beginning to grasp some of the concepts and theories present in this field, I’m still struggling to catch up, and I was sure that the assignment I submitted yesterday was a complete disaster. When a colleague expressed the same fears and frustrations, I repeated something my favorite professor used to say: “the work doesn’t get easier, you just get better at doing it.” I said the words, but in that moment I had to work really hard to believe them.

    Then I woke up this morning. As I reached for my phone to turn off my alarm, I saw that I had an email waiting in my inbox. It was the feedback from my tutor on the assignment I was so unsure of. There were a couple of notes on citing within linguistics (something I know I need to learn), but the rest of the feedback built on my research question. At the end of it all, she told me that I did well which is why she spent time thinking about my ideas. This is the same tutor that sends me sporadic links to books and articles she thinks I will like and find useful for my own research.

    I know that it will take a lot of work and time to adjust. I’m okay with putting in the extra work. And I know that there are going to be days where I want to come home, crawl into bed, and forget that I ever chose this career path. But I cannot fully express how grateful I am for the encouragement and support I’ve been given, even if that support is simply someone showing me that my ideas are worth thinking about.

  • To Build a Home: Week 2 Update from Across the Pond

    This last week has been a mix of several things, some good and others not.

    To begin with, it’s been exciting. I survived my first week of courses as a postgraduate student. I stumbled upon a magical place called the “Postgraduate and Faculty Common Room,” which made me feel a lot like a little kid getting to see the teacher’s lounge for the first time. I managed to find my way to Colchester town centre where I located the Post Office, a helmet to wear while riding my bike, and several little shops I can’t wait to explore again. I also got my nose pierced, which I suppose falls into the category of exciting (at least for me it does).

    This week has been a bit scary. I found myself in classes with people that know so much more than me. I’ve worked hard to gain a foundational understanding of the field of Linguistics, but the fact still remains that I am new to this specific field of study. I accidentally missed my bus stop on the way to town, so I had to awkwardly get off at the end of the line when the bus driver looked at me like I was insane. Oh, and I also discovered that this campus is essentially a modern Hogwarts, but in a terrifying corridors and winding staircases that lead to certain death kind of way.

    This week has been lonely. I’ve had the chance to talk with a few of my flatmates and fellow students in my department, but we’re still in that place where everything is new. And though I am grateful for my friends and family that I talk to on a daily basis, at the end of the day I’m still in my room by myself. I told one of my friends the other day that, as strange as this sounds, I miss physical touch. I miss hugging my mom and brother and friends. I miss my friend Fallon’s three-year-old son running up to me, jumping into my arms, and asking me to play with him. I miss collapsing on my bed and having my dog come and snuggle with me at the end of a long day.

    But this week has also been a blessing. The good things have given me a greater thirst for learning and living well. The hard and stressful things have been balanced out by little victories. And today is a Monday, the start of a new week. The class that felt overwhelming and foreign last week was challenging but comprehensible this week. I didn’t feel so out of place in the Postgrad and Faculty Common Room today as I sat at a table with two new friends. I managed to make a meal that was not only edible and healthy but delicious. And instead of running back to my room after cooking said dinner, I stayed to talk with two of my flat mates and really enjoyed the conversation.

    I know that it is going to take time to adjust here. I know that there are going to be moments when I miss home and the people that are still there. I know that I am going to have to work my tail off to do well in this program. But I also know that, slowly, this place can become home as well. I just have to keep building.

  • My First Week at Essex: The Things That Made Me Smile

    My First Week at Essex: The Things That Made Me Smile

    I have been in England for one week now, and I’ve had my fair share of stressful moments. I want to be realistic, but I also want to be aware of the positive things. So, here are just a few things that helped me get through my first week in Colchester:

    • There are so many international students – IMG_0942I knew that the University of Essex takes pride in having an international community, but I had no idea what that really meant until this week. There are students from over 130 countries at this university. Do you know what that means? It means that every time I walk outside my flat, I get to hear so many beautiful accents and languages being spoken. Just while sitting in the doctor’s office I overheard a group of freshers meet and discover they all spoke English, Spanish, and a bit of German. They then began to have a conversation that flowed in an out of all three languages. The best part? None of them were from the same country! Being a bit of a language nerd, I just sat in the corner smiling like an idiot because I was so happy to see the beauty of language at work.
    • IMG_0940I found the library – That alone is enough to make this week a good one. First of all, I need you all to know that the library here has lifts/elevators that move on their own. Instead of pushing a button, you just hop on. And hop off. I might be a grown adult, but I revert straight back to a 10 year old every time I get to use the lifts. Second of all, I cannot fully express how happy it makes me to have access to a good library. The online resources are great, and I have access to so many books on the shelves. Also, I stumbled upon a book about reading Bromances, so there’s that to be happy about.
    • My department and course faculty are amazing – I hate to brag, but I am so happy to be IMG_0937part of such an amazing department and program. I spent most of Thursday sitting in on welcome talks to the Language and Linguistics department. After that I had a meeting with my course director, a member of the faculty, and some of the PhD candidates for sociolinguistics. I quickly learned that I get to spend the next year learning from some amazing linguists that are extremely excited about research, language, and asking hard questions. I learned that I am not just some student, I am an academic in training. I will be doing real research this year, producing my own data and analysis of things that I am passionate about. And I have a wonderful department surrounding me that is willing to teach me, push me, guide me, test me, and be excited about this with me. This alone was enough to put that stupid grin on my face for the rest of the day.
    • Freshers Fair – I tend to be the person that hides from anything full of societies and 18 year olds looking for free pizza, FullSizeRender but I decided to go this time. I actually went with a flat mate to look at used bikes, but I’m happy that I stayed and looked around with her. It made me really happy to see so many students getting excited about so many different things. Of the things I remember, there were clubs for the following things:
        • Trampolining – I have no idea what that really is, but apparently they compete at a national level.
        • Pole dancing – I just kind of laughed and walked by this booth. Not that I have anything against pole dancing, just that the thought of me getting friendly with a pole makes me giggle.
        • Harry Potter Society – Yup. Not going to say I didn’t sign up.
        • Science and Fantasy – Their mascot for the day was a young man wearing a spandex Spiderman costume. I saw him playing tennis at some point.
        • So many cultural clubs – I was told there was an American Society, but I didn’t see a booth. Either way, it made me so happy to see so many cultures represented through the SU.
    • Friends and family back home – I have been so blessed this week. My friends and family from home have been supportive since the beginning of this crazy adventure, and that support hasn’t stopped. From Face Time calls to texts and messages, it’s been so great having someone to talk to while I’m still meeting people in my new home.

    And so ends my first full week in Colchester. Tomorrow marks the beginning of the Autumn term, and so begins the cycle of classes, research, writing, working, societies, and trying to be a generally successful adult. Sounds like good fun to me.

  • Learning to Adult: Settling In

    The more I’ve grown and developed a taste for being an independent adult, the more I’ve realized that I have no clue how to actually be an adult. At least not a very good one.

    I’ve been in England for almost two full days, and I’m proud to say that I have done a decent job at settling into my flat and exploring the area. And by decent job I mean I’m not dead, but I might be lacking a bit of grace.

    It all started at the UK Border. The nice guard at customs was fairly patient with me as I stuttered my way through his questions. He even did his best not to audibly laugh when he corrected my pronunciation of my university accommodation (how in the world do you get the pronunciation “keys” from “quays”?)

    What commenced after the Great Customs Debacle could only be described as utterly pathetic, though probably a bit comical. I managed to find a group of University representatives who were wonderfully kind and managed to get me on an earlier coach to the university. The problem with this is that I didn’t realize that coach was leaving right away, so I looked up to see a group of students being herded towards the coaches while I sat idly by, trying to keep my eyes open.

    I jumped up, grabbed my carry-on, and ran to catch up to the group. Everything could have been okay once I caught up. “Could have” is the key phrase here. In my sleep-deprived panic, I decided to leave most of my luggage behind. So I had to run all the way back, locate my bags, and run towards the coaches. I would love to say no one noticed this, but that wouldn’t be true.

    Fast forward several hours later. I made it to my flat without any major mistakes. I did try to enter the wrong house of my building and might have spent nearly 5 minutes just trying to find a staircase, but it all worked itself out eventually. Like I said, just need a bit more grace.

    After having some time to sleep and eat, I think this adulting thing might be kind of fun. Sure, I got lost on the way to Tesco and walked by the same set of traffic-bound cars at least three times. I arrived 40 minutes early to a welcome talk because I was afraid of getting lost again. I haven’t had a hot meal since leaving home because I keep forgetting to buy pots and pans.

    But I found Tesco just fine the second time. I have food in my cupboard and fridge. I have had at least four cups of my favorite tea. I’ve met most of my flatmates and even risked social interaction by leaving my door open for a few hours last night.

    Awkward moments aside, I am really happy to be back in England, and I’m okay with being a bit clumsy at things for now. Moving away from home and settling into a new flat, a new city, and a new country is both terrifying and exhilarating. I am going to mess up. I am going to look like a fool a few times. But I am also going to keep learning, and that is the most exciting part of all.

  • One More Week – Moving to England

    One week. I am moving to England in one week.

    I’ve spent the last week trying to navigate the chaos of moving to another country. I’ve spent time trying to clean and pack. I’ve spent quite a bit of time with friends and family, saying last goodbye’s to many of them early. My family threw me a going away party last weekend. I’ll be spending most of this weekend both packing and saying goodbye to my church family here in Michigan.

    But in the middle of all this, I continue to find myself in small moments of stillness. They seem to happen when I’m not rushing around to get things done: when I first wake up, when I’m in the car, or when I’m getting ready to go to bed. Moments when I have the time to breath and slow down, even if only for a little bit.

    And though they only last a short while, I love that I keep finding them (or that they keep finding me). Because it is in these moments of peace that I find myself overwhelmed by the love and presence of God in all of this. Moving and starting grad school is stressful and scary. My time left in Michigan feels hectic and rushed. But through it all God keeps giving me these reminders that He is here. That he has always been here.

    He was with me when I was seven and I first started telling people that I wanted to live in another country. He was there when people started telling me that I would change my mind. He was there when I thought those people were right. There when I stopped believing in myself. When I stopped believing in him.

    He has been here with me in everything. So even though my life is changing, I am reminded daily that He will remain constant.